The tinder issue (stop reading dad)

The app we love to hate and hate that we love... (Dad seriously. bye.)

I’m not ashamed to admit that I have downloaded and deleted Tinder several times throughout the last couple of years of being a single girl in my 20’s (alright, I’m a little embarrassed). 

In a moment of weakness/boredom/curiosity/desperation/insecurity you turn to tinder with a misguided hope that something might come out of it. It starts off fun with that happy sense of validation when you match someone straight away - am bang-able, good to know.  The fun continues until you like swipe right to some bae and get that unreasonable rage about the fact they haven't liked you back (Um, that is wrong with you?). You find yourself swiping left so often you’ve stopped paying attention to what you’re doing and have probably swiped past your future husband - Damn. 

You’ll eventually be overcome with sadness when you realise the shallow nature of what you’re actually doing. Judging someone on their appearance based on some carefully selected photos.  Is he holding a puppy? (right swipe) is he posing beside a dead pig? (left swipe) is he standing with 8 other dudes and you have no idea which one is him (left swipe  - I don't have time for that).  This superficial practice seems to be followed by exchanges of phone numbers, instagram accounts followed, snapchat accounts added and eventually he’ll probably ask you to send him some nudes. 

The truth is, Tinder is basically the bachelor/ette on a smart phone, you’re the star, but you’re also a character in  everyone else show. While you’re chatting to one guy, he’s also talking to several other girls and in the end you’ve entered yourself into a competition with a bunch of girls you don’t even know. 

And based on what?
My bikini pic? How many friends It looks like I’ve got? My “I went backpacking so I’m cultured” photos? Or is it really just down to your leading pic which is a selfie you took in the car one day when highlighter was on point?

I hate to be the one to burst this bubble but if I can manipulate my tinder profile to look like I’m a down to earth fitness gal who travels the world, loves rugby and casually stands on rooftops wearing Miss Crabb (when I’m actually sarcastic and annoying and definitely don’t own 500 dollar dresses) well, plenty of people can probably do it even better. 

How do I win this? Should I put in my bio that I love call of duty? - yes definitely, great idea. 

Heres another other tinder issue..

The fact that I can stalk someone I’m interested in on several different platforms if we have a mutual friend potentially rules out the need for a first date. 
I mean,
I already know where you work, what high school you went to, what you wore to vault last weekend and your nieces birthday (she’s cute by the way). God forbid I accidentally let slip that I know of that and you discover that I’m actually a crazy, neurotic control freak.  Look, I’m sorry but we all are. You can run but you can’t hide bae. 


I know none of are thinking this is a healthy way to meet people right now. Can you really form an opinion of someone based on their social media presence? Quite clearly the answer to that is yes. Unfortunately using social media as a marketing tool means everyone seems to be more or less the same because we’re all following the same guidelines on how to be desirable.  

So what exactly is the modern man?
Someone who puts his snapchat in his tinder bio? maybe. Someone who has a gym selfie with 3 different protein brands strategically placed in the background? probably Someone who has a short back and sides hair cut? definitely. 

I’m not going to lie to you, half of my tinder matches look exactly the same to me. If this weren’t disconcerting enough theres no way I can keep up when they all initiate identical conversations with me. 
Is this a joke?

In their defence, what the hell do you say to someone on tinder? “Hey, we both find each other okay looking, how bout that? Um”  


And what happens next? Well, the fuck boys will probably message you around 10pm asking you to come over for “cuddles” and the wanna be fuck boys will be content with adding you on snap chat, sending a few photos of their ripped torso and never actually endeavouring to meet up with you.  (Why we pretend this is an okay way to approach a woman is beyond me when it directly translates to “hi, I’m a fuckboy and I have zero respect for you, get on my dick”. )

I digressed a bit there, sorry.

The nice guys are probably the ones too scared to message you and the weird ones message you at 7 in the morning. 

Obviously none of this is ideal but what happens if you opt out? Is real life dating even a thing?
Take my encounter with a cute guy a new world the other day…
He smiled at me, I smiled back. There was so much potential! Then we both looked awkwardly at each other unsure of how to proceed. So we didn't. 

Bless him, I hope he has a nice life. 

Like so many girls, I’m salty as anything that guys ask me to “netflix and chill” instead of asking me on dates meanwhile here I am on tinder knowing it's 90 % seedy hook ups and 10 % divine luck.

I’ve seen enough shirtless (and headless) selfies and received enough “wuu2” ’s to last me a while so like I’ve done so many times I’m deleting tinder.

If I’m lucky, someone will come into my life before my next moment of weakness but for now i’m off to google famous meet cutes from movies to find out how people actually meet each other in real life. 

R.I.P my hope of a love life.