A letter to my mother

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A letter to my mother


I grew up in a broken home. Well, two broken homes.
I don't like to say they were broken becauseI had all the love, laughter and adventure I could hope for as a child
But they were broken.


Mum had a hard life. She spent her early teens in and out of girls homes and foster care and she never finished high school. Mum got pregnant with my sister when she was just 15 years old and was divorced with 3 kids by the age of 23  Growing up I watched my mum experience a lot of loss. I watched her lose fights and lose friendships, relationships and respect. When my sister died I watched her lose hope. 


We grew up in government housing. We ate too many packets of two minute noodles and we didn’t have all the nice things our friends had in their homes. Grandparents, aunties and boyfriends came in and out of our lives for reasons we didn’t really understand and when things weren’t going well, we packed our lives into banana boxes…




Mums depression was no secret to us. Some days she was good and some days she wasn’t. Some days we went to the beach and collected shells and rocks and other days mum played world of warcraft for 14 hours straight while we plied her with instant coffee at her request. I didn’t have one friend who wasn’t terrified of my mum but she loved us even on the days she didn’t love herself. 


I learnt quickly that people aren’t perfect, that everyone in your life will disappoint you, and that that hurt drown your heart. Now I know that its better to have imperfect people in your life than to hold grudges and be lonely. 


For the person I am today, I owe a lot to my mother…


Dear mum,
Thank you for your honesty. Thank you for trusting me with your vulnerability and never sheltering me from the ugly things in the world.  Thank you for showing me that it can get better, and putting me at peace with the reality that it might also get worse. 


Thank you for showing me your mistakes and never being disappointed in my own. Thank you for standing by me every time I was wrong and always being prouder in my failures than the things I achieved with ease. Thank you for teaching me to fight and showing me that it’s okay if you don’t win. 


Thank you for my broken home. Thank you for my ‘half’ brothers.  Thank you for every quirky memory.


Above all thank you for teaching me that it is okay to be sad. Thank you for never telling me not to cry. Thank you for giving us a home where it was okay to feel things and ask questions.  Thank you for showing us that no amount of loss, or pain, or devastation will ever translate to an excuse to give up. 


Thank you.


All my love,
Gessica. 


I haven’t seen my mum in over a year or spoken to her in months and while i’m sorry we don’t talk every day, and that she doesn’t know much about my life I’m content that our relationship doesn’t depend upon it. We can't spend our lives qualifying our relationships on externally decided expectations. We can criticise our loved ones for the things they don’t give us or we can stop taking for granted the things they do. 
Everyone has something valuable to offer, but it may not be what you thought it would be. 
Happy Mothers Day everyone